ohgodinternet

notes from the collegetime

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 13:48:40 -0900

Sorry I haven’t been posting here, but I’ve been in college. Here’s some notes, from Tuesday, for proof.

captions with kerian

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 15:34:00 -0800

d8uv: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBlJaPD-CCQ
kerian: playing the wii will get you raped by dogs
d8uv: how can you come up with the funniest possible caption in no time
kerian: thats how i roll
kerian: after most of my life ive figured out that the first thing that comes to my mind is the best thing to say
kerian: it mignt not be right or good but its BEST
d8uv: caption http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHn1n0JJiFc
kerian: that man has a huge mouth and a yamaka, which im pretty sure is 100% not the recipe for breakdancing
d8uv: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxGGyVklPHg ?
kerian: crosswalk 100m, sign now
d8uv: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvWUWtA5jIA ?
kerian: arent segways stupidly expensive, you deserve that
d8uv: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAzrTM4aHfE
kerian: well soldiers are the best and brightest
kerian: also lol woman

So let me tell you about my day

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 14:40:00 -0800

Random musings:

My cat tried to do a kick ass matrix jump across the bathroom and fell square in the toilet. Swish, nothing but bowl.
Why do tanker trucks need to inform people that the contents are inedible. I cant see going up to suckle on the teat of a road going container with the prospects of either Hydroflouric Acid or maybe if I’m lucky liquid chicken comming out.
The van at work uses about 3-6 quarts of diesel oil a day, and is coated in a nasty film. I think I’m going call him Valdez.
Awesomemobile is still awesome (even though parts fall off it)
My cheese is dried out and stale ;_;

MORE BULLITINS AS EVENTS WARRENT

Video

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:25:43 -0800

Facts About Bleach

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 03:11:00 -0800

You can get bleach for your hair, bleach for your teeth, bleach for your toilet, bleach for your floors, and bleach for your kitchen worksurfaces, but you can’t get bleach for your dachshund. Nobody knows why.
Sometimes, if you listen very carefully when you walk past a bleach factory, you can hear the bleach whispering sweet nothings about hydrogen peroxide.
Female Prime Ministers do not, as is commonly supposed, cry bleach; they cry a Japanese soy-based bleach substitute.
Cows dislike being dipped in bleach because it makes them whiffy.
Who’s the black private dick that’s the sex machine to all the chicks? The answer, surprisingly, is bleach!
Some home remedies call for pool water, which can be hard to find. But worry not! Just dissolve two tablespoons of bleach into a gallon of water, set it on medium heat, and pee in it. You’ll feel like you’re getting yelled at by the lifeguard in no time!
Inferior brands of bleach will stain a black shirt white, and a white shirt black.
What keeps the White Stripes looking their whitest? Bleach alternative, we’re sorry to say…
Both bleach and lysol kill germs, but it’s a little known fact that when bleach and lysol are mixed together, they breed germs themselves.
Rod Stewart bought more bleach in the 1970s than the entire Royal Family combined.

be3 cnob

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 02:09:59 -0800

be3 cnob

Let's try this whole "daily comedy" thing again, ok?

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 21:07:29 -0800

So apparently we suck. Here’s hoping that we don’t suck anymore. Love, ohgodinternet.

Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 1. A room in A Big Fancy Gay's house.

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 12:54:26 -0800

Enter A BIG FANCY GAY and REYNALDO

A Big Fancy Gay
Give him this money and these notes, Reynaldo.

Reynaldo
I will, my gay one.

A Big Fancy Gay
You shall do marvellous wisely, good Reynaldo,
Before you visit him, to make inquire
Of his behavior.

Reynaldo
My gay one, I did intend it.

A Big Fancy Gay
Marry, well said; very well said. Look you, sir,
Inquire me first what Danskers are in Paris;
And how, and who, what means, and where they keep,
What company, at what expense; and finding
By this encompassment and drift of question
That they do know my son, come you more nearer
Than your particular demands will touch it:
Take you, as ‘twere, some distant knowledge of him;
As thus, ‘I know his father and his friends,
And in part him: ’ do you mark this, Reynaldo?

Reynaldo
Ay, very well, my gay one.

A Big Fancy Gay
‘And in part him; but’ you may say ‘not well:
But, if’t be he I mean, he’s very wild;
Addicted so and so:’ and there put on him
What forgeries you please; marry, none so rank
As may dishonour him; take heed of that;
But, sir, such wanton, wild and usual slips
As are companions noted and most known
To youth and liberty.

Reynaldo
As gaming, my gay one.

A Big Fancy Gay
Ay, or drinking, fencing, swearing, quarrelling,
Drabbing: you may go so far.

Reynaldo
My gay one, that would dishonour him.

A Big Fancy Gay
‘Faith, no; as you may season it in the charge
You must not put another scandal on him,
That he is open to incontinency;
That’s not my meaning: but breathe his faults so quaintly
That they may seem the taints of liberty,
The flash and outbreak of a fiery mind,
A savageness in unreclaimed blood,
Of general assault.

Reynaldo
But, my good gay one,—

A Big Fancy Gay
Wherefore should you do this?

Reynaldo
Ay, my gay one,
I would know that.

Curse you hashbrowns, why can't I make you.

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 11:58:00 -0800

So I bought this box of approximately 50 frozen hashbowns, because, you know, hashbrowns are fantastic. I read the the instructions on the side and follow them. The result was this rock-hard, black thing which was on fire. I extinguished the flames and consumed it as punishment. The second time I tried it i wound up with these floppy cold things, but sustained oil burns. Finally, the third time I wound up with hashblacks again, but this time caught my linoleum floor on fire. Hashbrowns, you are so tasty, but why are you so hard to make. Furthermore why do I keep trying, seeing how the outcome is usually a fire, injury, and a foodstuff that is most definitely not a hashbrown.

;_;

On doublespacing after punctuation, and covenant cunnilingus.

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 02:12:11 -0800

d8uv: also, why do you put so many spaces between puncutation marks?
jessica: Two spaces after a full stop. Haven't we been over this?
d8uv: And question marks, apparently
d8uv: Do you use a monospace fonted IRC client?
jessica: No.
jessica: But I type this way.
jessica: It annoys the life out of crschmidt, but that's not my chief motivation for doing so � rather, it's lifelong habit.
d8uv: It annoys the fuck out of everyone who knows things about typography
d8uv: It's like using MS Comic Sans
d8uv: I mean, it seems like an allright thing to do, but it only marks you as Someone Who Doesn't Know Anything
jessica: I never claimed to know anything about typography; instead, I type the way I've typed my entire life. And I'd say it's not half as annoying as using Comic Sans. In fact, I'd be surprised if most people even noticed.
d8uv: Did old crusty typing teachers beat it into you?
jessica: I really don't want to think of the hygienic habits of the nuns who taught me as a child, sir.
d8uv: I bet they shed their skin when they took off their habits
d8uv: And inside is a spindly little dwarf, with a head that resembles a coconut, but with like a normal face on it
jessica: Better than picturing convent cunnilingus.
d8uv: And all it wears is a loincloth made from a bandana one of the New Kids on the Block wore in one of their videros
jessica goes back to reading about Comet Shoemaker-Levy 9.

sbp speaking

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 01:51:00 -0800

sbp: Hello internets. This is sbp speaking. Do not be afraid. The sbp weblogging system is on the air. I will speak in short sentences. Short sentences are awesome. Like d8uv’s face. And kerian’s face. My friends have beautiful faces. Do you have beautiful faces? If so, you can get an ointment for that.

fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

d8uv: We here at ohgodinternet would like to formally welcome sbp here. Mainly because he’s smarter than everyone else, and british. Oh and he plays a bitchin’ guitar. This makes him irresistable to both the ladies, and the gents. Lesser people would make a joke about faggotry here, but sbp is far too cool for that. He’s probably even wearing sunglasses right now. That cat is just too cool for school.

The only other mention of ohgodinternet on the internet

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 20:07:20 -0800

The only other mention of ohgodinternet on the internet:

It borders on rule34. Of veggietales. Strangely appropriate considering the proprietors of this web site, to be honest.

Consumption of paper products; with a tic-tac aside

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:58:00 -0800

kerian: :S why am i eating this paper towel im not that hungry

d8uv: i had it worse a couple nights ago
d8uv: i cut open a tube of vaseline lip therapy, and ate it

kerian: i propose that tictacs are not a mint but a candy
kerian: have you ever had a citrus tictac which a)freshened your breath and b)didnt down a bunch like candy
kerian: its candy
kerian: they lie

d8uv: but... i mostly played with it, leading me to accidentally mention on skype that I had to wash up cause my hands were covered in vaseline
d8uv: everyone there was all "..."

kerian: the thing is that this paper towel isnt that bad

d8uv: i know
d8uv: i used to eat graph paper in high school precalc class
d8uv: T_T

kerian: dude was it the kind of bluewhite graph paper with blue lines?

d8uv: yes

kerian: that shit was tasty
kerian: best tasting paper

d8uv: the saddest thing is that the paper is probably the only source of fiber in our diets T_T

kerian: i am totally sending a comment to bounty that they need mt dew flavored paper towels

d8uv: um what
d8uv: steps to dew flavored paper towels:
d8uv: 1. spill your dew on a counter
d8uv: 2. clean that shit up

kerian: duuuude
kerian: doing this
kerian: now work on a chicken strip dinner towel

* A few minutes later

d8uv: status report on dew bounty

kerian: your advice ruined a perfectly scrumptious paper towel

d8uv: !

kerian: it tasted just all wrong

d8uv: maybe you gotta dry it out?

kerian: maybe if i spilled mt dew syrup
kerian: cleaned it up
kerian: let it dry
kerian: then consumed it

d8uv: or you can, you know
d8uv: stop doing things that 3 year olds have outgrew

kerian: you have no room to criticize mr

d8uv: hey the last paper product i ate was like 4 years ago
d8uv: maybe one

kerian: you have moved up to petroleum products, congrats

d8uv: i know
d8uv: more refined
d8uv: in all senses of the word

kerian: haha pun
kerian: im going to go drink some turpentine right now

d8uv: k peace out

A summary of what the fuck just happened:

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:39:22 -0800

d8uv: Ok so I mentioned that Kerian and sbp and I should make a blog together. So Kerian and I went and tried to make a good name for a while, finally settling on ohgodinternet. About 3 minutes later, I had this set up. Kerian made the first post with his usual dong huffing, and I made what I thought was the first post. Kerian edited his post to publically humilate me, I edited my post to retort, and I wound up somehow on the bottom. Kerian then called me a cheater, I made a post defending myself. Then I made this post. This is the worst blog ever. Stop reading this blog.

i didn't cheat

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:28:19 -0800

What the hell man why would you say such hurtful things T_T

Like I know how to move posts in the retarded sounding “Tumblrlog”. I don’t even know if they call it a “Tumblrlog”. I’m just guessing so because this is a web2.0 website and that’s the most retarded way to do it, and thus it must be.

first post

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:18:00 -0800

This is the worst thing ever to do, btw. Don’t do this.

BTW don’t do vvvvv either.

A blog for fags

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:18:00 -0800

If you’re here, you’ve probably huffed a dong. ~~^^^^^^^^^-HAHA You suck.~~

You cheater >:[